WE JUST WANT OUR LIFE BACK

Eight months ago my life was turned upside down, for the worst.   First we thought "A simple operation, how hard can it be?   One week?  Two weeks tops and then, home?"                            But no!  The surgery itself to remove the brain stem successful, so the doctors said. But, during the operation, there was some complication, a hemorrhage and nothing is the same.   Shlomo chose not to wake up, maybe it was easier for him? He must have forgotten who was waiting for him.  But I disturbed his plans: I spoke to his heart, I knew that if he felt my yearning, my love, he would react.  And I was right.  Shlomo woke, but another man. (Watch on YouTube the Israeli TV show "Interns")  He was left paralyzed on his left side, not able to perform the most basic daily activities such as  showering, dressing, shaving, feeding himself; he has to be taken care of for everything.  And if the physical damage was not enough, his brain also changed for the worse: hallucinations, fantasies, mood swings and psychotic attacks.     And in the midst of all this, here I am, sleepless nights, my whole body aching, with no time to think of myself in this horror film with, no time for thoughts, no time for emotional. A doctor explained to me that there is an explanation for my reaction, something called De-personalization.  "De-personalization is a mental disorder, the experience that leads to it is detachment from the body and a sense of looking at it, which is similar to watching a film in which the person who depersonalizes is the protagonist of the body from high levels of physical and mental pain Indestructible and perception by the five senses " This is exactly my situation:  I am neutralized, operating and functioning only to assist my Shlomo.   During the 7 months' hospitalization, whenever I was home for a few days, I went straight to our Photo Store. Even though the business was closed, we still have to pay rent, taxes etc.  And at first, the bank and everybody else was very understanding. But then, it went on, for a month, two months, three, it became impossible. How much can I expect the bank to keep on, supporting me?   meanwhile, my beloved Shlomo, is still in rehabilitation, not yet with us and everything I do causes some crazy brain reactions. This brain, which just recently, was pried into, now decides on itself, and it becomes insane, delusional, and sometimes even frightening.  And I, I'm strong, do I have a choice? Before the operation, Shlomo told me, "Be strong," he said, just before he entered this sad demonic dance. People tell me they admire me, but I only answer, really not, my beloved would do the same for me. Another month and another and it is not over.  Help, can someone give me back my life??!!! The debts continue to grow…    how can I control everything?!    I never used to ask for help, but now with everything out of control, I desperately need help. How do you do that?!  I have no idea; I am terribly desperate. I never asked to participate in this horror scenario.  With great pain, I turn to you for help and thank you for any contribution you chose to give.  Tali Cohen